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After a short hiatus from the world of online dating (because it sucks, you guys), I'm back with more tales of hilarity. There is no point in lying on your profile about things that are obvious within five minutes of meeting you in person. Why contact me and bother discussing meeting up and dating if you live two thousand miles away? It's a tad creepy when we've exchanged three messages, tops, and you're calling me "baby" and talking about moving to my area because "nothing's keeping me here anyway". To come to the aid of my fellow single women, I've helpfully organized the types of men you meet online into several broad categories. This includes height (6 feet, 5'8", same diff, right? He's cute, fun, smart and you can't stop thinking about him. These are signs that he will likely be very cheap throughout the duration of the relationship. There is a difference between loving sports and having a childish obsession with them. If he truly cares about you, his good behaviors will grow stronger. Anyone, regardless of gender, who asks for help paying bills early on in a relationship should raise red flags. By paying for him early on, you are setting the tone that it will be this way for your entire future. Some men with no ambition whatsoever like to talk up a good game, but at the end of the day, they are just saying what they know women want to hear. Some men may not like being tied down to a phone, but responding to your text messages or phone calls shouldn't be annoying; it's common courtesy and respect. You're already three steps ahead of the game, mentally planning weddings, children and that giant house with the white picket fence. While many men may seem ideal after just a few weeks of dating, upon closer inspection, there can be warning signs that you should avoid a relationship with this person. Dating someone who refuses to do anything new makes for a long-term relationship that is both boring and one-sided. Those who back down and start getting lazier after having sex for the first time were probably only after one thing to begin with. There is nothing wrong with a guy who wants to grow into a better person, just make sure that he's genuine. The I'm-in-my-late-twenties-or-older-and-still-live-with-my-mother guy. In my book, living at home up until age 25 is acceptable, provided the guy was going through schooling or saving up money. No.), occupation (a paralegal is not a lawyer, and the guy who keeps the books for a sketchy bowling alley is not an accountant), and general appearance (we're gonna know it if that photo was taken in 1996, gentlemen). Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the single dads, but you guys do realize that everyone can see those pictures, right? Because I'm not sure you understand how the internet works. A couple of anonymous emails does not a relationship make.

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